The Friends Three: Housestuck
by Sosquee21
Summary: 3 friends, 24 trolls, all in the same house. What could go wrong? Rated t for trolls mouths.
1. Chapter 1

**Housestuck**

Chapter 1

Stranger's in the field.

The sun beat down on a hot Texas after noon as three normal friends took a walk. To look at these three girls one would never suspect that they were involved in anything out of the ordinary but it seemed no matter where they went strange things always happened. The oldest but ironically she was the shortest listen to the other two chatter on about work, school, and other things she couldn't bring herself to care about. As much as she loved and cared about her two house mates her mind was somewhat distracted. She absently looked over to the old field that they used play in when they were younger and stopped. There was something wrong with it. She counted again, yep, 24 indents in the grass.

"Cali, what's wrong?" She turned back to stare at Mya and Rosie and pointed at the field.

"I think there's 24 somethings in the field." she replied.

"Well let's go check it out!" the youngest, Rosie, said. Cali nodded in agreement and the three walked to the closest one. There lying on his back was a guy with grey skin and small candy-corn colored horns. Cali knelt and took his pulse, she sighed in relief that he was alive. Mya wandered off to look at the others.

"There are more and all look like him! Well sort of," Mya shouted back at her friends. "There are about 24 of them!"

"Gee, ya think?" Cali sarcastically replied as she pulled the boy into her lap to try and wake him up.

Karkat was hurt. Everything from horns to feet, it all hurt. He wanted to die, it hurt so badly. '_Fuck, why do I hurt so badly?' _He thought. If he had known that pushing the Restart Button would cause him to ache so bad he would've let the useless fuckasses stay dead. He heard footsteps and someone was touching his wrist. A feminine voice overhead said that that there were more, so the others were here to good. Someone's arms were holding him close. Another voice asks "Hey, are you OK?" Karkat opened his eyes to see a human female looming over him, a concerned look on her face. He tried to move out of her lap and sit up but he couldn't, as he was too weak. "Where the fuck am I?" he rasped.

Cali smiled. He woke up, that was good. His language was rude but she ignored that for now. "You're in Texas just outside of…. nowhere. Never mind. Why are you passed out in my field?"

Texas? Isn't that were that fuckass Dave lived? He tried to remember what happened before he pushed that accursed button when a sharp pain ran through his head. "Hnng! Gog why does my head hurt so much and why are you holding me?"

"Well ah, you were on the ground, passed out, and you're ignoring my question." Cali answered simply. The troll in her arms sighed. Oh yes, Cali knew very well that the boy in her arms was in fact a troll from another world called Alternia. When she was about 15 her friends turned her on to this web comic called Homestuck and she had been obsessed with it for the whole year. Now lying in her arms was the living Karkat Vantas! This means that the other 23 were the 12 trolls and their ancestors. A small shiver ran down her spin at the thought of those ancestors, one in particular.

Karkat opened his mouth to answer when Rosie returned yelling "Hey Cali! The others are waking up!" She looked up at her friend.

"Let's get them to the house!" She replied.

Tavros was amazed, he was alive again. This was weird enough in itself, but what was even stranger still was that he had the use of his legs back. He looked around at the other trolls in the field half he knew and half he didn't. He saw all of his old friends alive again as well. It was strange that they were also healed, but it wasn't bad right? Tavros was confused and his head hurt, so he just trudged after the three humans who said follow.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The next morning.

Gamzee woke to the smell of food and sunlight pouring through the window. He rolled and moaned his motherfucking head hurt! Sitting up he wonder where he was his memory a total blank. Gamzee stood and walked out of the room and wandered around following the smells that flowed into his nose. Eventually he found the nutrition block of the big house. Sanding at the stove appliance was a Karkat sized human with long Dave colored hair. She turned to him and smiled "I'm sorry but breakfast isn't quite ready, but if you go through that door one of my friends will seat you." She turned back to what she was cooking and Gamzee turned and left through the door she had pointed at. There he saw two more humans one was tall, thin, with short Dave colored hair. The other was shorter than but not as short as the first human he'd met today, and her hair was a red color. The tall one smiled at him,_ 'These motherfuckers sure do like to smile!'_ He thought and smiled back at her.

"Come sit over here!" Mya said to Gamzee. She was so excited the 12 trolls were in their house. THE 12 trolls from HOMESTUCK! She felt giddy and light headed, or as Rosie would say "anime fan-girl" like. She just couldn't help it. Mya pulled out a chair for Gamzee next to Karkat her most favorite of all the Homestuck characters! She had so many questions to ask but Cali told her to play cool, so she would even though her mind was abuzz with thousands of questions that would have to wait till another time to ask.

Cali set the last piece of bacon in the dish and carried it to the door to the formal dining hall, humming a light and whimsical tune as she did. She had a herd of tolls go from the kitchen to the dining room, having kept track of them she knew that the all sat at the long table. '_That thing sits 28 people for goodness sakes!'_ She was glad to have it at the moment anyway. After sitting the bacon down she moved to her place at the head of the table. Looking down Cali smiled Rosie and Mya had sat ancestors facing decedents. '_Clever girls.'_ "Go ahead and eat!" She said loud enough for everyone to hear. Everything was quiet as the trolls and humans ate. On her left was Rosie followed by Aradia, Tavros, Gamzee, Karkat, Sollux, Feferi, Kanya, Vriska, Terzei, Nepeta, Equius, and on the end was Eridan. On her right were Mya, the Handmaid, the Summoner, the Grand Highblood, the Signless, Psiioniic, her Imperial Concession, the Dolorosa, Mindfang, Redglare, the Disciple, Darkleer, and finally Dualscar. _'Wow we have a lot of guests, good thing I have help!'_ Cali thought.

The food on the table had pretty much vanished when Cali had finished eating. She, Mya, and Rosie stood up and address the 24 trolls seated before them.

"Hello! I'm Caroline Tilhman, but most call me Cali for short!"

"Hi, I'm Mya Martins, call me Mya please!"

"Hey, I'm Rosie Brist, just call me Rosie."

"The three of us would like to welcome all of you to our home!" Cali continued. "We have a few simple rules that we hope that you will follow! Rule one please don't kill anyone we're all friends here. Two, please no um… mating? Seriously it's gross and awkward. Three, behave and keep all rude comments and/or language to a minimum especially when the little ones are here. That's it three short, simple, easy to follow rules! Any question?" The room was silent for four seconds as the trolls processed the information. Finally the Grand Highblood turned to the three girls and asked in his terrifying voice.

"What's to MOTHERFUCKING STOP US FROM RIPPING YOU TO SHREDS right now?" Cali stared straight into the highblood's large yellow eyes and smiled as sweetly as she could. The two faced of like that for a while before he broke eye contact and looked away. She giggled and replied.

"Well humans are like ant hills you step on some of us we ALL fight. We destroy anything that DARES to threaten us. We also have some pretty POWERFUL protectors. They would be extremely ANGRY to know someone has messed with us. So behave, Mya your turn!" Cali giggled once more and sat back down. Mya crossed to the front of the table.

"Thank you Cali for that interesting speech. Well sleeping arrangements, you'll be sharing a room with the one which share's your symbol, easy peasy!" Mya sat and lastly Rosie stood and took the stand.

"Ok, because there are a ton of you! We have broken yall up into three groups. Yall know you've got different blood colors; well that's how we split you up. Mya is in charge of bright red, red, brown, and yellow. I am in charge of green, jade green, teal, and cerulean. Cali is in charge of blue, indigo, purple, and magenta. Please talk to your team leader if you have a problem with the arrangements, we settle this democratically." The others two stood up and motioned to the rest to rise, it was time for room arrangements.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**The wrigglers**

Rosie tugged on the blankets corner; she was setting up for Cali's niece and nephew to stay the night. Oh how she loved those kids. They were so sweet, Desiree and Alan. The door opened and Rosie turned around to see the Dolorosa entering the rec room.

"Yes Rosa, what is it?" Rosie asked her charge.

"Is it true what Miss Caroline told us? Are wrigglers staying the night at our hive?" Rosie smiled at her. _'Once a mother always a mother.'_

"Yes Rosa, we're having Cali's brother's kids tonight because it's his anniversary." Rosie replied. "Hey where's Cali and Mya?"

"Well, Miss Mya is outside caring for the beast creatures and Miss Caroline is threating most of the others to behave when the wrigglers come." Dolorosa answered. Rosie grinned, yep that was Cali; the scary one. A black cat jumped suddenly on to the pallet and licked its paw.

"Hello Bella, what are you doing?" Rosie asked the cat. It stared for a second then meowed. Rosie and Dolorosa chuckled. Cali stomped into the room an angry expression on her face.

"Sorry for barging in like this, it just some of the others are grating on my last nerve." Cali growled. She flopped down on the couch and Bella ran to her and meowed for attention. Cali leaned down and picked the animal up.

"Hey sweetie, how are you?" She asked the cat while petting it. Dolorosa said goodbye to her acquaintances and left the room. Rosie walked over to the couch and sat next to her friend.

"What's wrong Cali, you seemed stressed?"

"What am I going to tell Cody?" Cody was Cali's older brother who constantly worried about his younger sister. Rosie wished she had brothers that worried or even carried what she did.

"How about the truth? Rosie suggested. "He'll understand that you couldn't, in your right mind, let 24 aliens wonder lose on earth."

"I guess, when did you get to be so smart?" Cali smiled at her young friend, who was in fact in collage to become a nurse. A knock at the front door made Cali jump up, dislodging the cat in her lap. She dashed out of the rec room and ran towards the front door.

Cali opened the door and was hit in the midsection by two kids hugging her tight. She smiled down at Dez and Al (her niece and nephew). Cali turned her attention back to her brother and his wife.

"Hey sis, how are you?" Cody asked. Cali stepped aside to let her brother and sister-in-law in.

"Good, hey Dez you and Al go upstairs to the rec room we're set up in there for tonight. I need to talk to mommy and daddy alone 'kay?" Cali told the two kids.

"Okay auntie Cali! Come on Al, I'll race ya!" Dez said excitedly to her brother. The two raced away and Cali looked back and Cody and Delia.

"Be careful you two, and no running in the house!" Delia called after her children. Cali shifted nervously; here was the awkward part. "So what's up Caroline?" Delia asked.

"Remember high school? When I was totally obsessed with Homestuck? Yeah so, I'm… I'm currently housing all 24 trolls from that web comic." She waited for the explosion, for the anger to hit her. When it didn't she looked at her family.

"Okay." Cody said simply.

"Okay? So you're cool with trolls living here with me, Mya, and Rosie?" Cali asked her brother in an astonished voice.

"Well Cali it's not like stuff like this hasn't happened before, and you can handle yourself." Cody replied.

"Thanks bro. I didn't know you trusted me so much."

"I always have Cali. Well, we gotta go bye," and with that they left.

Nepeta sat on the floor in the rec room and watched the wrigglers play with the black meowbeast. '_AC purr's in delight at the prospect of mew furends!'_ Nepeta thought in her never ending role-play speech. One of the wrigglers stood up and walked over to sit in front of her.

"Hi, I'm Desiree! I like your hat." Dez said to Nepeta. "I love kitty cats."

"Awww thank you! I like meowbeast too, they're so kawii." Nepeta purred like cat.

Desiree tilted her head to one side and asked. "Kawii, what's that?"

Nepeta gasped. "You don't know what kawii is?"

"Umm… No?"

"Kawii is only the cutest thing in the entire universe!"

"Oh. That makes sense." Desiree replied. Nepeta stop starring at her as if she was something she'd never seen before. Just then Equius walked in followed shortly by Darkleer.

"EQUIUS!" Nepeta shouted and leaped from her spot on the floor in to her moirail arms. Desiree and Alan stared in disbelief at the distance the small cat troll had managed to cross in a single bound. _'One day I'm goanna do that too.'_ Dez thought to herself.

All of the house guests were seated in the rec room and a heated dissection was under way about which movie they should watch. Karkat said that they should watch a human romcom that he hadn't seen. He was immediately out voted. Gamzee wanted to watch Silent hill again, but the elder human's vetoed him. Feferi found Nemo and said that would be good to watch, but only the sea dwellers agreed to watch it. The argument was escalating when, thankfully, Tav, Dez, and Al pulled out The Lion King. Now the whole house sat down to watch. Over all a good day a better night.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Old Friends, new friends, red friends, blue friends

Do I even need to say I own nothing? Please, support the official releases.

Cali sat at the breakfast table early Monday morning, a laptop in front of her. She scrolled through her favorites' on YouTube and sighed. It was lonely with Mya and Rosie at work. '24 other people in my house and I still sit alone at the table in the morning.' An idea popped in to her head, an evil, horrible idea.

"MY LITTLE PONY, MY LITTLE PONY, AHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHH AHHHHHHH! MY LITTLE PONY!" Cali screamed as she slid down the stair rail. Near the bottom she leaped off and sang more as she ran down the hall. "I USED WONDER WHAT FRIENDSHIP COULD BE, MY LITTLE PONY, UTILL YOU ALL SHARED IT'S MAGIC WITH ME!" She ran down the hall sliding a little in her socks. "BIG AVENTURE," She turned a corner. "TONS OF FUN, A BEAUTIFUL HEART," She raced down another hall. "FAITHFUL AND STRONG," She passed Equius and Darkleer. "SHARING KINDNESS, IT'S AN EASEY FEAT," She pelted past Karkat and the Signless. "AND MAGIC MAKES IT ALL COMPLETE," She nearly ran into Eridan. "YOU HAVE MY LITTLE PONY! DON'T YOU KNOW YOU ARE MY VERY BEST FRIEND?!" She stopped at the end of the hall smiling and giggling uncontrollably. "That was fun!"

"Wwhat the fuck Cal, Wwe wwere sleepin'!" Eridan yelled at Cali. Most of the other seemed mad as well.

"I know, I was lonely and you've slept enough today." Cali answered. "It's time for food, because we're going to play games!"

"Wwhere's Mya and Rosie?" Dualscar asked.

"Work, now let's eat!" Cali ran away back towards the kitchen singing a new song.

Feferi stood in the large entrance hall of the house (well mansion) and look around at the others. No one seemed really excited about the game they were going to play. They were currently standing in a circle waiting on Cali to return with the mysterious item that would help them play the game. She was excited even if the others weren't; well some of them looked happy like Nepeta, but most weren't. Cali soon returned with a bright pink ball in her arms. 'Ooh pink, glub glub.' Feferi was now even more excited than she was before. Cali stood at the front of the room in between the Summoner and Terezi.

"Okay today I'm going to teach you all how to play the noise game. It super fun and really easy to play, and if you refuse to play it's an hour of punishment." Cali said. The trolls shivered, oh the dreaded punishment. It's so horrible that the author can't even place it in the fanfiction without changing the rating to mature, it's just so terrible. Also, SCREW THE FOURTH WALL! I AM GOG! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"So how you play is I'll say a random noise and toss the ball to someone, they'll catch it and say the same noise I did. Then they'll come up with another noise and toss it to someone else, so on and so forth, that's how you play! Okay? Good let's play!" Cali turned Karkat, looked him strait in the eye, "Beep, beep meow!" and threw the ball at his face. He caught in just in time.

"WHAT THE FUCK? I AM NOT SAYING THAT FUCKING STUPID…" Karkat began to yell.

"Bucket," Cali said threateningly. Karkat stopped mid-sentence and stared at the bright blue bucket she held in her hand. "I will put this on your head."

"B-beep, beep, meow." Karkat said reluctantly he knew very well she meant what she had said. The game continued with many lewd sounds when the doorbell rang behind them. Cali stepped out of the circle to answer it. "Hello?" She asked as she opened the door. A cry of delight escaped her when she saw some of her friends from one of her previous adventures. "Harry! Ron! Hermione! What are you three doing here?!"

"Well the Ministry of Magic told use about a disturbance in your area and asked us if we would check it out. You know because it's you three again." Harry answered. Cali laughed. 'It used to be you guys, now it's us!'

"Well come on in and meet the others!" Cali stepped aside to let the three wizards in. "It's been forever! How are you?"

"I asked Hermione to marry me!" Ron stated. "And she said yes!"

"I wasn't going to say no Ron, I love you." Hermione replied. The doorbell rang again and Cali turned back to the door confused. She opened the door again to see Goku and Vegeta standing on her porch.

"Uh hi guys, why are you here?" It's not every day old friends just show up.

"We felt something like a high power level and we flew over here. Should've known it was you guys." Goku said.

"Oh you, yes it's us" Cali turned back to go inside. She stopped short standing next to Harry talking to him was the Doctor.

"What are you doing here?" She asked in indignation. "Wait, don't tell me; the T.A.R.D.I.S brought you didn't she?"

"Actually yes, she did." Doctor answered.

"Well I guess I should introduce you all. Everyone this is the Doctor, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Son Goku, And Prince Vegeta they're all old friends of mine, Rosie, and Mya's. Old friends these are my new friends." She walked to the nearest troll, Karkat. "This is Karkat and his ancestor the Signless."

"Fuck you."

"And this is Aradia and her ancestor the Handmaid, over here is Tavros and his ancestor the Summoner. Here we have Sollux and his ancestor the Psiioniic, their both really smart."

"Yeth we're geniutheth." Sollux lisped.

"Uh huh, next we have Nepeta and the Disciple and Kanya and her ancestor the Dolorosa their both fabulous!"

"Thank for such a high compliment" Rosa said.

"You're welcome Rosa; next we have Terezi and Redglare. They love justice!"

"Hehehehehe yup we love justice." Terezi repeated.

"Well here we have Vriska and Mindfang, Please don't talk to the former she is a bitch."

"You say that like it's a baaaaaaaad thing." Vriska say drawing out the 'a', Cali moved on.

"This is Equius and Darkleer, they're STRONG." Goku had a look of pure joy on his face, "No fighting them please, but Goku will you and Vegeta teach them how to control their high power level please?"

"Okay Cali, I guess that's the next best thing." Goku said in reply, Vegeta just grunted.

"Good, here we have Gamzee and his ancestor the Grand Highblood! GHB has got huge hands, and you know what they say about guys with big hands?" She looked around at everyone and continued. "They say, DAMN YOU GOT BIG HANDS!" The crowed of humans and sayins laughed all excepted Goku who didn't get it. The Highblood growled at the joke, he didn't like being laughed at; he was going to make the little human pay for turning him in to a joke. Yes one day soon he will have his revenge. Cali continued the introductions.

"This is Eridan and Dualscar, the first of the sea dwellers. Finally we have Feferi and her Imperial Condescension. That's the inter troll population that survived their universe exploding."

"Their whole universe just blew up?" Doctor asked confused.

"Yup, it went creeper on them." Cali said. Goku shuddered he remembered the last time that he, Cali, Mya, Rosie, and Vegeta played Minecraft.

"Hmm… Interesting, how did they get here?" Doctor continued

"The fucking Reset Button. I pushed to begin a new game and bring everyone back but it brought us all here instead. Stupid nook sucking lame ass button." Karkat grumbled.

"That actually make sense, the Reset Button gave you all a second chance at life, love, and happiness; so it sent you to the only people who could do it." Doctor said.

The door open once again and in walked Mya and Rosie home from work. They stared at the scene before them.

"Hey guys what's up?" Mya asked.

"Oh not much just hanging out." Ron replied. An awkward silence followed broken by aloud growl coming from Goku's stomach.

"Hehe I'm hungry." Cali smiled at her sayjin friend.

"I'll go cook lunch." She walked in to the kitchen and everyone just hung around till then.

Not too long later, "OW!" Cali came storming out of the kitchen holding her hand.

"What's wrong sis?" Gamzee asked.

"I cut my hand, damn it!" Cali retorted angrily. "Let me see." Hermione said concerned. Before Cali could reach her the Highblood grabbed her arm and pulled her hand into his line of sight.

"HER MOTHERFUCKING BLOOD IS RED! You're a fucking low blood trying to tell US WHAT TO MOTHERFUCKING DO!" The Highblood turned to the others of his kind. "I'm gonna kill her, SHOW THEM ALL THAT YOU DON'T FUCK WITH THE…" He was cut short by Vegeta punching him in the face.

"Shut up damn it! Everyone's blood on Earth is red. What kind of idiot are you?" The prince asked.

"There are different kinds of idiot?" Goku asked. Vegeta and Karkat both face palmed at the same time.

"Whale I guess that means you all should die then." The condence whispered threateningly. The moment was as tense as a bow sting. Cali stood from where she had fallen and laughed.

"Well now you're the stupid one aren't you? Threatening Earth in front of its protectors no less." She laughed again. "Well let me explain what your all up against, The Doctor here is a time lord, who has saved Earth countless times. Goku and Vegeta are the strongest beings on earth and Harry, Ron, and Hermione defeated the dark lord and his death eaters." Cali smiled that sugary sweet smile. "So you are officially screwed here, aren't you?" The trolls stood in stunned silence all accepted the Highblood who was on his back in pain. "Goku do you have any senzu beans? I think GHB needs one."

"Yeah, sure do! Poor guy he to a Vegeta punch straight to the face!" Goku pulled out the small lima bean shaped healing herb and tossed at the no longer injured human (thank you Hermione).

"It's not my fault if the idiot was weak enough to fall at that 'love tap'." Vegeta growled at his friend. Cali shook her head and walked to the Highblood and looked at him. He was a bloody mess but he was lucky to be alive. She knelt and fed him the small bean. Then she pulled out her handkerchief and wiped the blood and face paint away. 'Oh my!' she thought, 'he's so handsome without all that face paint on.' Her heart skipped a beat and she turned away from the juggalo troll. Another loud growl came from Goku's stomach.

"Cali, I'm hungry!" He moaned. She laughed and went back to the kitchen.

"There are too many of you to seat at the table so we'll just eat party style." Cali called from the kitchen. "Go ahead and talk to one another."

The Summoner was enjoying himself greatly. He had just seen his kismesis get bitch slapped in the face. The confusing part is; why the little human would go and heal him after he tried to kill her? Was she insane? He looked around for his nemesis but he had vanished. 'Probably to put on more of that ridiculous make-up he always wears.' Summi thought. He walked towards the human called Rosie; she will know why the other had healed the Highblood.

"Rosie!" He called to her.

"Yes Summi?" That was the nickname they had given to him. It was amazing how fast they had come up with nicknames for everyone.

"Why, after the Highblood tried to kill her, did Cali go and heal him?" Summoner asked. Rosie smiled and replied.

"Cali is that kind of person, she doesn't hate people and she can't let someone writhe in pain for long. She's only scary when she has to be." Rosie laughed and continued. "Doctor once said it was like being on a roller coaster to live with her, she is the spirit of adventure wrapped in a girl's body." Summi thought about this statement; he loved adventures. The babble around them continued as the Highblood came back in the room. Summi wasn't the only one thinking about what Cali had just done.

The food was served and the sayjin's safely tucked away in the breakfast nook. (Seriously who wants to be in the way of a sayjin and his food?) Everyone was uncomfortably content; they were all eating and having polite conversations, nothing to friendly. Better ending than anyone could have hope for.


End file.
